somethings never change—err, get thrown away

So we made it. We left Seattle and are currently residing at my Dad’s house in California. Getting down here was a long and stressful journey—and is far from over seeing as how we still don’t have a place to live in San Francisco yet—but after tasting the white corn, tomatoes, and stone fruit here, I might not be able to live anywhere else. California is a fruit and veggie lovers paradise and I am in constant disbelief that all this tasty stuff grows here practically ALL THE TIME. Anyway, between bouts of fresh produce hoarding and summer freckle accumulating, I have been attempting to cook once and a while in my Dad’s kitchen. Now, I will have you know that my Dad’s kitchen just so happens to be the kitchen that I grew up cooking in. And, thankfully, not a lot has changed since I was a kid and the whole thing is still covered in turquoise formica with gold flecks, just as it was when I was making unrecognizable culinary masterpieces here 25 years ago. And as it turns out, that is not the only thing that has stayed the same. I have come across a few other items that have stood the test of time and are still gracing my Dad’s kitchen with their presence, just like they were 25 years ago. For example:

This Oakland A’s Relief Pitcher: 

My Dad now uses this thing to water his garden but I can remember countless afternoons trying to dissolve bricks of frozen juice concentrate in this sucker whereupon I would eventually lose patience and abandon the whole effort to go jump on the trampoline. Patience was not my forte.

This box of parchment paper:

I don’t ever remember using this but the packaging screams early 80’s so I know we are probably pretty close in age. Not only that but the box claims this stuff is “Ideal for Microwave Ovens” leading me to believe that microwaves had recently become household staples when this product was made. The box also tells me this kitchen parchment is great for cooking casseroles and meat loaves, which as we all know are two of the 1980’s favorite food groups.

This old blender:

This was the blender I would use to sneak chocolate milkshakes when nobody was home. A few scoops of vanilla ice cream, some milk, a heavy squirt of Hershey’s syrup, and a peek around the house to make sure you can’t get in trouble and you got yourself a shake!

This 1977 G.E. Microwave Guide & Cookbook:

In all my years of wasting household ingredients in futile attempts to create food, I never once used this cookbook. In fact, I don’t think anyone in this house has ever used this cookbook and I am almost positive that we never owned a G.E. microwave. Why is it still here? Maybe for the Lobster Thermidor recipe on page 158 or the Curried Beef Balls on page 56, but probably not. I am guessing just for a laugh or so my Dad can eventually sell it on eBay to a hipster when microwave cooking makes a comeback. 

This immaculately crafted giant ceramic Pillsbury Dough Boy sculpture:

I made this in high school because, clearly, I have had nothing but food (specifically baked goods) on my mind for my entire life. This was my ode to Toaster’s Strudel, pigs in a blanket, and ready-made cinnamon rolls before I knew better. I am pretty sure my teacher thought I was a weirdo for making this but if he were alive today I would like to think he would be happy to know that I am now a baker so my silly sculpture makes perfect sense. Then maybe he would’ve given me an A instead of a B.

So thanks for letting me share some memorable treasures from my Dad’s turquoise kitchen a.k.a. The Kitchen That Time Forgot. I am sure there will be plenty more where that came from so throw a pot roast in the microwave and stay tuned.